Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Grieving seems to be universal for everyone but as common as it seems, many of us are struck with the death of a loved one suddenly and we have no sense of closure. We begin to walk in a whirlwind of emotions, not recognizing one from the next, not understanding that these are healthy advancements toward a healing process.
Whatever the tragedy, recognizing these stages can help you on your arduous journey. Leaning towards understanding of what to expect will aid you as you embark on something only time will allow.
1. Denial
It is a human reaction to deny such an event has taken place. It is a coping mechanism and it is a way for our minds and our hearts to endure with the least amount of damage. It is easy to deny a loss especially when one has not had the advantage of finding closure. In a sense it's like dealing with a break up that you didn't want. The other person has made the desision for you for you both not to be together, and as always in a death it is never a desision we want, and it is never one we discuss with the other person.
Death arbitrarily makes a decision for us, and denial is a way that one can find a way to remain in control and keep in control. It is a security measure that only lasts for a time.
2. Anger
Often times we find ourselves struggling with such a loss that we cannot comprehend or understand, we project our feelings unknowingly or unwillingly onto the person who suddenly left. It is easy to understand how we can blame the other person because in a situation like this, often there isn't one to blame. It's a fact of life, that always meets us unprepared.
When we realize we cannot blame the other person, we turn to ourselves, or others who are trying to help - in doing so, this often alienates ourselves from the people we need most.
At times we may even find ourselves blaming the circumstances of which things happened that led to a tragedy, and often times we turn our anger to God.
When there is no one or one thing to blame, it is easy to turn our anger to the one person we need guidance and help from. I like to think that He has big enough shoulders to take this, and through His understanding He allows many of us the forum to state our grievences to Him, but we have to be careful to never use God as an excuse to turn to unbelief.
Understanding death and why it needs to happen is one way to combat and extinguish the effects that death causes. It's a harsh reality that it comes to everyone, but instead of turning our hearts to anger, we can lean into hope and allow for understanding of what Jesus did on the cross for us, He literally conquered death!
As personal as death seems, it isn't. God never intended for us to feel the cold stinging fingers of this harmful outcome. Never is any death a means to attack us personally from God. We should never think that death is a form of punnishment and torment for those of us left behind to pick up the pieces, death has to come and in the end it will exist no more!
"This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrafice for our sins." 1 John4:10
"For everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith, Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the son of God." 1 John5:4
3. Bargaining
This stage is one that is quite common and leads to let downs and mishaps. Most often times this is the stage where we begin to bargain with ourselves or with God desiring to exchange something if only He would bring back that person in our lives.
Ressurections occur today, and they can happen, but we need to live and pray according to God's will and not our own. We have no idea the ways and thinkings of God and in all honesty wanting someone to remain or come back into our lives is to ease our pain and suffering and never is it asked or desired from a place of thinking about the wants and the desires of the other person and what's best for them.
4. Depression
This outcome is perhaps one of the hardest stages because this is where one can become listless, and feel the need not to continue on with thier lives. They may find no reason for hope and turn to a list of crutches as coping mechanisms to just to "go on".
Please be aware of any changes that may occur during the grieving stages as this stage can prove that there are potential problems that could lead to drug abuse, alcoholism, and suicide.
One way to combat the symptoms of depression is to make sure one is eating healthy. It is well documented as of late that having a improperly proportioned diet can contribute to depression and can be a cause as well.
Some find it comforting to go on a walk even for just a few minutes, or change rooms and activities when they feel a bout of depression coming on.
Turning to prayer whenever one feels the need to cry can be very beneficial. There is healing and power in prayer and if you feel you cannot pray for yourself, ask others to pray with you and for you. Place your name on a prayer list.
Healing comes in many forms, and God should not be overlooked during this time of need.
Jesus tells us to bring our burdens to Him so please never feel like you are unworthy, or are being repetetive in your request. He knows your needs and will comfort you. We are to pray without ceasing, one can never pray too much and in all honesty, it has lasting qualities of healing that we aren't even aware of. It is theraputic and helps to unload the preassure one can feel when they are weighted down with burdens and sorrow.
Whatever the tragedy, recognizing these stages can help you on your arduous journey. Leaning towards understanding of what to expect will aid you as you embark on something only time will allow.
1. Denial
It is a human reaction to deny such an event has taken place. It is a coping mechanism and it is a way for our minds and our hearts to endure with the least amount of damage. It is easy to deny a loss especially when one has not had the advantage of finding closure. In a sense it's like dealing with a break up that you didn't want. The other person has made the desision for you for you both not to be together, and as always in a death it is never a desision we want, and it is never one we discuss with the other person.
Death arbitrarily makes a decision for us, and denial is a way that one can find a way to remain in control and keep in control. It is a security measure that only lasts for a time.
2. Anger
Often times we find ourselves struggling with such a loss that we cannot comprehend or understand, we project our feelings unknowingly or unwillingly onto the person who suddenly left. It is easy to understand how we can blame the other person because in a situation like this, often there isn't one to blame. It's a fact of life, that always meets us unprepared.
When we realize we cannot blame the other person, we turn to ourselves, or others who are trying to help - in doing so, this often alienates ourselves from the people we need most.
At times we may even find ourselves blaming the circumstances of which things happened that led to a tragedy, and often times we turn our anger to God.
When there is no one or one thing to blame, it is easy to turn our anger to the one person we need guidance and help from. I like to think that He has big enough shoulders to take this, and through His understanding He allows many of us the forum to state our grievences to Him, but we have to be careful to never use God as an excuse to turn to unbelief.
Understanding death and why it needs to happen is one way to combat and extinguish the effects that death causes. It's a harsh reality that it comes to everyone, but instead of turning our hearts to anger, we can lean into hope and allow for understanding of what Jesus did on the cross for us, He literally conquered death!
As personal as death seems, it isn't. God never intended for us to feel the cold stinging fingers of this harmful outcome. Never is any death a means to attack us personally from God. We should never think that death is a form of punnishment and torment for those of us left behind to pick up the pieces, death has to come and in the end it will exist no more!
"This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrafice for our sins." 1 John4:10
"For everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith, Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the son of God." 1 John5:4
3. Bargaining
This stage is one that is quite common and leads to let downs and mishaps. Most often times this is the stage where we begin to bargain with ourselves or with God desiring to exchange something if only He would bring back that person in our lives.
Ressurections occur today, and they can happen, but we need to live and pray according to God's will and not our own. We have no idea the ways and thinkings of God and in all honesty wanting someone to remain or come back into our lives is to ease our pain and suffering and never is it asked or desired from a place of thinking about the wants and the desires of the other person and what's best for them.
4. Depression
This outcome is perhaps one of the hardest stages because this is where one can become listless, and feel the need not to continue on with thier lives. They may find no reason for hope and turn to a list of crutches as coping mechanisms to just to "go on".
Please be aware of any changes that may occur during the grieving stages as this stage can prove that there are potential problems that could lead to drug abuse, alcoholism, and suicide.
One way to combat the symptoms of depression is to make sure one is eating healthy. It is well documented as of late that having a improperly proportioned diet can contribute to depression and can be a cause as well.
Some find it comforting to go on a walk even for just a few minutes, or change rooms and activities when they feel a bout of depression coming on.
Turning to prayer whenever one feels the need to cry can be very beneficial. There is healing and power in prayer and if you feel you cannot pray for yourself, ask others to pray with you and for you. Place your name on a prayer list.
Healing comes in many forms, and God should not be overlooked during this time of need.
Jesus tells us to bring our burdens to Him so please never feel like you are unworthy, or are being repetetive in your request. He knows your needs and will comfort you. We are to pray without ceasing, one can never pray too much and in all honesty, it has lasting qualities of healing that we aren't even aware of. It is theraputic and helps to unload the preassure one can feel when they are weighted down with burdens and sorrow.
"Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you. declares the Lord and will bring you back from captivity..." Jer 27:12-14
5. Acceptance
This is the stage where one finds liberation in knowing the life has to go on and has been going on regardless. It is a time that many find peace and healing and begin their lives in a different way. They retain some of their "old selves" but also find self discovery.
Whatever the timing and the outcome, allow yourself to remenice when you are ready and perhaps allow yourself to talk fondly of your loved one in order to bring others up in their Christian faith and help them on their journey!
In death, whatever your journey, please know that you are loved and never seperate yourself from that love, through support of family friends and the love of your Father in heaven, God. Seek out like minded people to comfort you and to help keep you grounded and focused on your journey. Allow yourself the time and space but please never segregate yourself from the help that God has surrounded you with.
5. Acceptance
This is the stage where one finds liberation in knowing the life has to go on and has been going on regardless. It is a time that many find peace and healing and begin their lives in a different way. They retain some of their "old selves" but also find self discovery.
Whatever the timing and the outcome, allow yourself to remenice when you are ready and perhaps allow yourself to talk fondly of your loved one in order to bring others up in their Christian faith and help them on their journey!
In death, whatever your journey, please know that you are loved and never seperate yourself from that love, through support of family friends and the love of your Father in heaven, God. Seek out like minded people to comfort you and to help keep you grounded and focused on your journey. Allow yourself the time and space but please never segregate yourself from the help that God has surrounded you with.
"And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever, Amen" 1 Peter5:10
